I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
