hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
No subtext here. People are naked.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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