This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
