We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
