I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
