whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
