i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize
