The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
