She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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