Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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