Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
