Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
