and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
The best revenge is premature balding
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
