Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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