I skipped work to stalk him.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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