Dignity is for republicans.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
