at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
