I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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