life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
