You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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