How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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