i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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