Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
