i just wanna soil my oats bro
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
