so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My pussy is not your playground.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
