i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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