Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
