I wish I could teleport
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
