Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
