you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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