Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
