I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
