I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
