You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
