He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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