Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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