I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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