fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
