stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
