Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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