We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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