just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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