When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
