I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The power of my boobs compel you
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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