i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
