Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize