i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
