Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
