the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
