Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
