when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
What changed your mind?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."