you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.