hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
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You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
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Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.