Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
