he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
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she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
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I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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