Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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