I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
