Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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