I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Randomize
