Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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