I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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