Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
