He asked me if I "almost moaned"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
