So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
