last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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